Making friends with Aspergers Syndrome seems hard, but it isn’t as hard as it seems. There is something else that you as a “normal” parent wouldn’t think of.
You’re probably thinking “why doesn’t my kid have friends? Sure my kid has Aspergers, but everyone can make friends.”
You are right, everyone can have friends, but friends are quite the pain… Well, not all friends, but I’ll explain what I mean further on. Anyways, “friends” are quite a pain, they’re like the toy from the 2000’s called “furby”. Friends are always trying to take up your time with stupid, moronic stuff that you could care less about. They seem to need attention to survive…. I had a psychiatrist who was learning about Aspergers from me say that most people crave friends, because they need to project their problems onto them.
Some people with Aspergers, if not all of us wouldn’t mind having a real friend, not a furby friend or the type of friend that psychiatrist referenced, but an actual friend. What is the difference? An actual friend has the same obsession as you, sorry I mean focus. There really isn’t that big of a difference between obsessions and being focused on one area where you are really smart.
I digressed. A real friend is very similar to you or doesn’t mind taking turns going on about each others focus. Let’s face it, focus is another way to say obsessions. A real friend won’t answer the phone if they don’t want to talk. A real friend will be blunt and tell you the full truth and nothing but the truth. A real friend Doesn’t mind if you get busy with your obsession for a week or two. That’s a real friend. Not a furby friend, or someone who Velcro’s onto you and wont let you be, nope those aren’t real friends. A saying my sibling came up with a long time ago is ” I have a lot of friends, I just don’t like any of them.”
That has to be the most honest and truthful saying about friends when you have Aspergers syndrome. I was very popular in high school, I was always in a swarm of cheerleaders at a dance. My sibling says to find me
They just had to look for the swarm of cheerleaders and I was always in the middle of it all. I was the center of attention and not in a bad way! I didn’t get the social cues these girls were throwing left and right, what with flipping their hair, giggling at nothing in particular, etc. I guess I was “hard to get” in their minds, but in reality I didn’t get that they liked me, because they never said so.
At lunch You could always find me either (A starting a new fad that everyone would follow and do exactly do what I did. (B you could find me with any crowd that existed. Whether that was band or the jocks, I was welcomed. (C you could find me in a classroom with a teacher eating his lunch, while we played some geeky game like dungeons and dragons or I’d be alone fixing the school computers, because I like them better than people and the teachers had no idea what I was doing so they left.
How does that have to do with having friends? Look at the cheerleaders, jocks, everyone else who wanted to hang with me, yet I chose isolation. Why? Because they weren’t friends, they were furby people. I did hang out with one group at school the most. We were the outcasts, well, everyone but myself was an outcast. We didn’t fit in with any group, so we had our own group. The outcasts were real friends. If you’re an outcast, it is because you don’t fit the status quo. I’m not sure how I was able to and still am able to go back and forth between those types of crowds, but I do it without thinking.
So how do you make a friend? Simple, don’t look for a friend or you’ll just find a bunch of annoying furbys.
I hope this was helpful! I know there was a lot of references to my life, but that’s the only way I know how to explain what a friend is and what a friend isn’t.