Aspergers: Your Best Friend Is Your Worst Enemy

Okay, you probably believe that your best friend being your worst enemy sounds like an oxy-moron. It’s not, in fact it makes a lot of sense. When you’re on the autistic spectrum friends are optional, because you don’t need them. In my experience, If you have a friend they’re also your enemy. This isn’t always true and doesn’t apply to every friendship I’ve had, but it does apply to the majority of them.

How can your friend with Aspergers or High Functioning Autism also be your enemy? Because it is the way it is. You are blunt with each other and know one another’s weaknesses. You are both impulsive and both think you’re right on a topic, even if you aren’t. You both aren’t fully aware of how certain things affect other things, because you don’t stop to think.

This is one reason people with Aspergers / HFA do not need friends or scare all their friends away. I would like to live miles away from society on a farm, yet I’m very sociable or I pretend to be. It’s the same with friends, you have a lot of friends or you appear to have a lot of friends. In your mind none of those people are your friends and a lot of them are your enemy.

You usually have one or two friends, and those friends can instantly become your enemy and Vica versa. Neither of you plan to become each others enemy , because you’re great friends. Thanks to our lack of understanding social skills and social cues we run into a lot of verbal misunderstandings and everything goes downhill from there. The odd thing about being friends and enemies is how quickly you become friends again. You are usually friends in about 30 minutes to two hours after a fight, but one fight I had would’ve ended a ten year friendship. I wrote my friend off for a week or two and would’ve never spoken to him again if my Mom hadn’t encouraged me too. Even when we did speak we argued for an hour and then argued in text for days. Things got smoothed over, but his wife was of no help… In fact she was a big reason we got into the fight.

He did what she wanted and he acted differently, because she told him too. This was out of character for him. His wife controlling him infuriated me. I decided he was compromised and I didn’t want to be friends with someone who is compromised. I wrote him off for a week or so before I called him. If I hadn’t called him, we wouldn’t still be friends.

If you have an Autistic friend or your autistic always remember that your friend is also your enemy.

Please note that these are from my personal experiences and not from any studies.


7 thoughts on “Aspergers: Your Best Friend Is Your Worst Enemy

  1. Alex Jones says:

    It is my opinion that two people with aspergers or autism can never be friends. Friendship require compromise, but no autistic or aspergers person can compromise. It is easier those with aspergers are friends with non-aspergers people who understand their condition, and are able to compromise.

    • Interesting opinion. I have several friends with autism, I volunteer with autistics, and know of groups where autistics can go to make friends with other autistics. When I say autistic, I refer to HFA and above, not Krohners Autism. I just hung out with one of my friends for 9 hours. We had a great time.

    • making friends with “normies” your age is difficult. If the person is much older than it works fine. I have a lot of “normie” friends who aren’t normies. Haha, I was trying to say they are theatre geeks and my phone spelled hamlet. Hamlet! My theatre friends and I all know that in Shakespeare’s day and age people who performed theater were considered freaks and it hasn’t changed one bit, because “we were born this way”. Oh, “normal is just a setting on a washing machine.”~ jack Pearson, song, purple tree trunks

  2. Sam1990 says:

    Hey, I like your term “normies” – sums up the outside world well without being too formal. I’ve got AS and have never really had any friendships with normies, there just isn’t any common ground with them. I’ve got friends with AS and having an understanding from personal experience of what they are feeling is a great peice of common ground to form friendship and share thoughts. I’ve finally(!) got some common ground with normie friends through study interests, and their patience with my frequent misunderstandings is a key part in understanding what I’m missing – a bit of dissection of problems can help prevent the same thing happening frequently.

    So in my experience, patient normie friends can be good in helping you understand the world.
    Aspie friends can be helpful in understanding your world of thoughts.
    Friends are wonderful for sharing enjoyment of things and having new experiences.
    What do you think?

    Brilliant blog, looking forward to reading some more!


    • I find most normies challenging. If you consider theater geeks normies, then yeah I agree with your statement. We theater geeks don’t see ourselves as normal, we know we’re freaks just like Shakespeare and his clan. They were considered freaks. It hasn’t changed one bit, except we don’t say ye and thou as much.

  3. meistersinger says:

    wattaya mean aspies don’t know how to compromise? They can be taught how to do it, can’t they? I’m on the spectrum and try to find the happy medium whenever possible.

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