How To Talk To Someone With Aspergers Syndrome

Communicating with people who have Aspergers Syndrome is apparently hard for people who don’t have it. I hyper-analyze people and have found the flaws in our communication skills. People with Aspergers are much more literal. If you say “You can’t jump off the roof.” They may jump off the roof to prove that they can to jump off the roof. Verbal communication is so important, yet NTs(normal people) slack off on their verbal communication. People seem to forget that can, may,could, would, should, and will all mean something different. These words cause major communication problems. I’ll do something & someone will say “I never gave you permission to do that.” I then echolalia back what they said & they realize that they did indeed give me permission. Be very careful with those words.

Never, ever make a promise. What is a promise? In my mind a promise is when someone says “I promise” or when someone says they’ll do something like “I’ll help you tomorrow”. My parents don’t use those words with me, because it only leads to confusion & hurt feelings.

When someone promises you can do something, then no matter what comes up they should have to hold their promise. When reality sets in you will see that no one should make a promise, because you can’t absolutely guarantee without a shadow of a doubt that you’ll be able to keep it. Instead of the word promise say “I will try to help you, but I can’t make any guarantees when I’ll be able to help you.” or “Ill help you with that tomorrow, unless something unexpected comes up.”

I know that may seem like a lot of extra words that aren’t needed, but they are needed to avoid miscommunication.

Here is a true example of how my Dad helped me out by being literal. He told me a year before hand that “we will go to {a major trade only event broadcasted all over TV} next year, unless something unforeseen happens within the next year making it so we can’t go.”

Being literal helps out a lot! Some very unexpected things happened making it impossible to get to the trade show. I was sad, but I understood why we couldn’t go & that my Dad had warned me of the possibility we couldn’t go ahead of time. Change is a really hard thing for most people with Aspergers to deal with, so when plans change drastically, it might be somewhat hard to process.

An issue I’ve ran into when speaking with my friends who have Aspergers is if you leave out a couple words that most people wouldn’t even notice, well they do, because they are like me and the entire conversation changes course.

You need to be very clear on what you’re saying down to the very last word when speaking to someone. You should always be careful on your wording, whether you’re talking to an aspie or not. I don’t have to be super careful on my wording, because I am used to speaking like an aspie since I am an aspie. Once in awhile I will forget to say a word that inadvertently alters the literal form of a conversation. I usually correct myself or the other person asks what I actually mean.

I usually use 4 to 6 syllable words to help avoid mis-communication in conversations. If you don’t know a word that someone says, just ask them what it means and they will attempt to explain.

If you want to have a good conversation with someone who has Aspergers you need to talk about what they mainly focus on. You will learn a ton of new information this way and have a good conversation with an aspie. I hope this answers a few questions I’ve received on how to talk to someone with Aspergers.